The Reinvention of My Immortal
by Master Spy advenger
Summary: We've all read it. We've all scoffed at it. This classic Fanfiction, which is famous for single-handedly causing many thousand English teachers to sob, gets a make-over: Grammar, fixed. English, also fixed. Gone are the random AUs. Will it be enough?
1. Chapter 1

**Most of us have heard of the legend (I admit, a highly ridiculed one, but a legend none the less) that is _My Immortal, _written by a Gothic girl somewhat mysteriously known a Tara. **

**At first, I was slightly angered by it. After all - it was famous for being nothing more than a piece of crap. Many frustrated keyboard poundings went into wondering how a story such as that would gain such a status when the stories of many brilliant people went unnoticed. Then, I saw humor in it. I learned to be entertained by trolls, rather than be annoyed by them. It is at this stage when I wondered - could _My Immortal _really be made into something... readable? Could the grammar be fixed, the plot lines changed, and the characters bent a little more into shape, making the story... not good, no, but maybe something that J.K. Rowling could read, and not have to cry herself to sleep at night about?**

**Don't get me wrong, Jesus Christ could re-write this, and it would still be a poor piece of literature, but I can't help myself - this will happen, even if it kills me.  
**

**I, Tracie, have risen to the challenge. I may not come back from it alive, or with my sanity, but today, I begin a mission with a very simple title: "Operation Save Fanfiction." **

**Let's do this.**

In my seventeen years, I have learned one thing, and one thing only: sometimes, life needs to be fucked.

My name is Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way - a name I got, in part, from being born with a head full of ebony hair. Another part comes from being a member of a long line of vampires - my father was a vampire, as was every one of his family members I have ever met, seen, or heard of. God knows how long ago the infection entered my family line - all anyone knows is, somehow, a wizard with the last name of Way royally pissed off a vampire, and payed the price.

As the infection was passed down, so was the unknown Way's magical powers. It wasn't until very recently, when Professor Dumbledore took over control of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, that Ways were allowed to practice magic - our kind were seen as dangers, a deadly species that should never be let around the more normal (and, in my opinion, highly annoying, and slightly bitchy) population of Wizarding Britain. Thankfully, Dumbledore gave us a chance; I am in my seventh year at Hogwarts, and have, so far, made it without sucking the blood from the student sitting next to me in History of Magic.

As I said, my hair is black, which I added touches of purple and red to, and grew out to the middle of my back. My eyes are blue, which I inherited from my mother; they are the only thing that I have left of her - she committed suicide a year after I was born, which is mostly my fault. You see, after my birth, she developed Postpartum Depression - she was a Muggle, which is probably the only reason she ever gave my father a chance... I mean, after you find out your boyfriend is a wizard, it makes the blow of finding out he is a vampire have much less of an impact.

I was the only child she ever got the chance to pass those ice-colored eyes on to, a fact that I dwell on. The weather doesn't help much - snow, mixed with rain, windy, and blistering cold. The rain, I'm sure, blurred my makeup; thinking about the mess of white, black, and red my face was made me want to swear of makeup for the rest of my pathetic life. Of course, it could be a goddamn hurricane outside, and that wouldn't stop the professors from canceling Care of Magical Creatures - I swear, the only good thing about the weather was that it meant there was no sun out, and I wouldn't have to walk around dressed from head to toe.

Outside of Professor Hagrid's hut, a cluster of students gawked at me - they were just the type of people that made me want to burn Hogwarts to the ground. Always thinking they were entitled to whatever they wanted... believing the world revolved around them, their petty needs and wants, and the color and texture of their hair. Without thinking about it, I threw my middle finger up at them, smiling at the small victory of seeing their cheeks grow red, and their eyes rush to find a new topic of interest.

"Hey, Ebony!"

I turned my head, seeing Draco Malfoy breaking from his group of friends and coming in my direction.

"Hey," I answered, thankful that vampires couldn't blush - if they could, he would see exactly how nervous I was.

He, on the other hand, was not so lucky; the tips of his ears were burning red as he replied, "oh... you know... not many things change around here..."

A snowball hit the back of my head, sending bits of ice down my back. "Get your ass over here, Ebony!" I heard my friend, Willow, yell.

"I've got to go," I said to Draco, already thinking about how I could get my revenge. "Maybe we could talk later, though?"

Draco smiled, and answered, "yeah, sure, whatever you want to do..."

Returning his smile, I scooped up a handful of snow, and pulled my arm back, getting ready to throw it with all my might.

**Holy fuck, I've got a headache after that... I need a new hobby. *Considers getting a social life, and quickly dismisses it.*  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the support and reviews for chapter one! It's always nice to be called a miracle worker!**

**I have a problem with this chapter - Ebony is a vampire, thus making the fact that she sleeps in a coffin during the night very... inaccurate. I mean... even Twilight made a little sense when it came to the sleeping patterns of vampire-like creatures. Still, should I change this, this story would have holes the size of the Ozone Layer... please forgive me. Also... reading back on chapter one, I realize I made some typos. Tis very embarrassing, considering the entire nature of this story! If you can forgive me for them, I promise to triple-check chapters in the future!  
**

**Let us go one with part two of Operation Save Fanfiction... **

It was snowing harder than ever the next morning, as I saw when I opened my coffin. If only Hogwarts was like Muggle schools, that sometimes got excused for the day when it snowed...

Alas, as there was no chance of lessons being canceled, I slipped out of my baggy My Chemical Romance tee-shirt, and got into my uniform. I have never been quite able to explain my love of Muggle bands; when people ask, I tell them that it is because all Wizarding bands sound like magical-throw up, and that if they don't like it, they can go fuck themselves.

Just as I was fastening a pentagram necklace around my neck, Willow barged into my room, looking as wide-awake as ever. If someone were able to harvest her energy and distribute it amongst the human race, no one would have to drink coffee again. Ever.

"I ran out of eye-liner," She said, skipping any sort of greeting, and getting right down to business. "Do you have any?"

"Catch," I said, opening a drawer in my desk and throwing her my extra eye-liner pencil. She caught it, fumbled, and dropped it on the floor - she may be hyperactive, but her hand-eye coordination leaves something to be desired. While I had the drawer open, I took out the rest of the makeup I would need to get ready - a bottle of foundation, black lipstick, and mascara. I had my makeup down to a science; I could go from waking up to being ready to walk out the door in under five minutes, if I had to.

Willow walked over to my mirror, put her face as close as she could to it, and began to vigorously rub the pencil under her eyes. "I saw you talking to Draco yesterday," she said. Why she was waiting until now to bring it up, I had no idea... most likely, at the moment she had seen it, the little world she lived in had been too full of crap for her to find a place for it, and thus, had been moved aside for a time like this.

"And...?" I answered, wishing she wouldn't make a big deal of it. Few things make me uncomfortable; talking about relationships, however, is one of them.

"_And_, I think you like him, you thick-headed bitch!" She laughed, moving on to her other eye as she did so.

"And I think you're full of shit," I responded, looking for my eye-shadow. If Willow had taken it _again, _there would be hell to pay...

Willow didn't answer, but smirked, putting the cap back on the pencil, and throwing it to me. I made a point of catching it, wordlessly boasting my skills, hoping that this would change the subject.

Minutes later, in the Great Hall, Draco walked up to me. I could already see that the moment he left, I would be able to set Willow on fire, and that wouldn't have made the topic shift from Draco Malfoy.

"Hello," He said, sounding extraordinary nervous. I smiled, thinking about how hard his heart had to be beating...

"Hi," Willow said for me; I had nearly forgotten she was even there.

I looked at her as though she was pulling heads of lettuce out of her ears. "My friend here was just leaving... weren't you, Willow?"

Giving me an equally questioning face, Willow said, "I suppose I was... although, if you had just asked me _nicely, _I would have left."

"Okay - fuck off, _now_," I told her. "Was that nice enough for you?"

Draco laughed as Willow gave me the middle finger, turned around, and blended into the background of students.

"Sorry about that," I said, smiling.

"It's okay... but hey, look, I have a... little bit of a surprise for you."

Fuck.

"What is it?"

"Well - I heard that you like Muggle bands, and one called Good Charlotte will be playing a show in a town by Hogsmeade... would you like to go with me?"

_And this day gets better and better, _I thought, feeling a smile break over my face. "Yeah - I love that band."

Draco returned my smile, going on saying, "I hope you aren't opposed to sneaking off school grounds, however - be a bit of an adventure, you know?"

"I think I can handle it," I laughed, thinking of all the times Willow and I had gotten high off our asses and gone wandering around the Forbidden Forest. How much harder could sneaking off the grounds entirely be?

"Sit next to me in Potions, and we can plan our great escape," Draco said, laughing.

Simultaneously trying to think of a clever answer and wondering if vampires could have seizures of excitement, the bell for first hour rang, and Draco and I had to part ways.

Now, all I had to do was face Willow...

**I dread having to deal with the flying car that's in the next chapter. I'm torn between writing it out for the sake of the story, and leaving it in, only to have Ebony fall to her death when she tries to walk out of it a few chapters later...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello fellers! Your reviews put such large smiles on my face, you don't even know. If I could, I'd send you all cookies. Sadly, I can't, so I hope this pirate face will suffice ~(:D  
**

**I gave the flying car a lot of soul searching today. I'm half happy with what I decided to do (it's impossible to be fully happy with anything relating to this story.)  
**

**Also... I'm a bit paranoid now. Obviously (or... hopefully...) there's no way Tara is just this horrible of a writer. What if... every night... she pleasures herself to the fact that there are people like you/me out there... What if... Tara is actually a prep? *Le gasp* **

**That just wouldn't be cool.**

**This chapter brought another vampire related problem. Theoretically, they don't bleed. Ebony, on the other hand, drives the embodiment of misery into her skin every other second. After pondering it for a wee bit, I decided that she will be allowed to bleed to her Gothic heart's content.**

**Also, as I write this very sentence, I am making pasta. I don't like sauce very much, so I'm probably going to put cheese on it, and maybe a little butter. It will be very yummy. Jealous?  
**

The night of the concert, I broke the head off of a disposable razor, twisting it with my teeth until the metal bit came out. Once I was sure no one would walk in on me, I lined the sharp edge up on my wrist, and, cringing already, pushed and pulled it.

Of all my secrets, this may very well be the dirtiest. If I took off my jacket, you would see trails of scars, along with fresh cuts, and, if you caught me on a bad day, dried blood. I was constantly reminding myself to learn a spell that would make the marks go away - but, in a very strange way, I was proud of them. Proud and ashamed, all at once.

I didn't have time to wait for it to completely stop bleeding, so I threw my well-worn black jacket over it, and hoped that blood didn't trickle down my hand. I had cut thumb holes in the sleeves, which should assure my safety, but there was always that nagging voice in the back of my mind.

Draco was waiting for me outside of the castle, and, together, we sent off in the direction of the Forbidden Forest.

"Aren't you afraid of getting caught?" I asked - to me, Draco always seemed like the kind of person who was terrified of his father, and how daddy would react to his trouble-causing antics.

"Life is about taking risks," He shrugged.

I hadn't expected the forest to be so goddamn _big. _It was a good two hours of walking before we were able to Disapparate the rest of the way to the concert. By the time we got there, the music was already playing - Draco showed our tickets, and we entered the club.

Good goddamn lord, if Joel wasn't the most gorgeous man alive, I didn't know who was.

As Draco and I danced, I said something to the effect to him; instantly, I regretted it - after all, I was on a "sort of but not really" date with him.

The rest of the night, Draco acted like something was wrong with him. Fuck. When I say fuck, I mean _fuck. _

Well, if I'd messed up any chance I had at a relationship with Draco, I might as well enjoy the rest of the night.

I went to the bar and ordered a beer, drinking it down the gulps that only two kinds of people could muster: teenagers, and four-hundred men whose wives refused to fuck them. The shit tasted worse than piss, but I'd be damned if I was going back to Hogwarts walking a straight line.

Three beers later, I was being held up only by Draco, and muttering my life story.

"Ah... fuck... man... you know, it's sort of my fault my mom died."

"You're drunk, Ebony, so please... just be quite." Draco asked, unsure if he should believe Ebony or not.

"You're sexy!" I shouted, perking up, squeezing his arm.

Even though she was drunk; even though she wouldn't remember this night in a few hours, Draco had to smile. _Success. _

**I do love cheese. My pasta was my favorite thing about writing this chapter.**

**There's one thing I love about writing this story - I never thought it was possible for so many things to happen in such a short amount of time! **

**Happy new year, ya'lls. What's your goal for the new year? Mine is to finish the marathon me and mas madre will be running this summer! Because, honestly, I half expect to keel over dead halfway through.  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Dear Anon,**

**Does not compute! Does not compute! Your comment will self-destruct in three seconds! **

**Love,  
Tracie**

**I made a shocking revelation today. Tara is not a horrible writer... no... she may not even be a Gothic. No, she is really... an alcoholic. My Immortal is the result of her attempting to write while drunk. Several factors went into this assumption. **

**1) Her typos were typically very simple words, and, if you look at the misspellings, you will see that the right key was very close, or right next to the one she hit instead. Such as a drunk person's fingers would slip over the keyboard, and she would be too drunk to work the backspace button.**

**2) The very basis of the story. Everyone who's ever been drunk and tried to write a fanfiction while drunk will tell you that nothing made sense (I once wrote a Twilight fanfiction. Enough said.) The fact that Tara does not explain things, which is why a reader will suddenly realize that something rather dramatic is happening rather abruptly. **

**3) The length of the chapters. Again, referring to my own drunken fanfiction adventures, my epic tale featured all the vampires contracting a disease that caused them to grow a second head. Thing story was, from start to finish, no more than a page long.**

**4) Mistaking the character names, when she had previously gotten them right, is also a clue. Snape, right off the top of my head, was Snoop, Snap, and Pedophile Rapist who was Homosexual yet Still Wanted to Rape Tara.**

**There are many more reasons, but I feel I am rambling. If you would like a full list, feel free to contact me by a) owl, b) smoke signal, or c) if you want to do it the hard way, via FF.**

**There's one sentence in here I couldn't bring myself to change. You'll know it when you see it.  
**

**On with the story, my noble steed! **

"Whu... what the _fuck_ are we doin... doing here?" I asked, realizing we were in the Forbidden Forest.

"You _walked _here, in case you don't remember!" Draco snapped, pulling me along, "or, more like it, I dragged you halfway here."

My hands were tingling... didn't that mean that you had superpowers? As if being a witch wasn't amazing enough, in the morning I was faced with the possibility of being able to shoot lazer beams or some shit out of my eyes. I laughed, excited, imagining the things I could do with lazer vision at my disposal.

I stopped dead in my tracks, whipped my hand from Draco's, and clutched his shoulder. Wobbling, likely to fall over at any second, I reached as far as my drunken state would allow me to and kissed him.

If he was opposed to taking advantage of a drunk girl, he certainly didn't show it. Instantly, he went from being angry, to eagerly kissing me back, putting his hands on my back, and pulling me closer to him. I backed away for a moment, ripped my shirt off over my head, and threw it on the forest floor, setting about doing the same to Draco's. How in the hell did he manage to put the thing on? It seemed so complex... Eventually, he took it off himself. In moments, both of us were fully undressed.

It hit me: the only thing I had been able to do easily tonight was get undressed. Was alcohol created simply to make sex easier? I could picture that... a bunch of sex-crazed old men, trying to figure out a way to woo women.

Well - their plan certainly worked.

Then he put his thingie in my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

After only a few seconds, Draco whipped his head to the side, a look of horror over his face. "I think someone's coming," he whispered, looking as though he was imaging the many manners death that his father could inflict upon him for this.

"Ah - what do we have here?" Called a figure, who was emerging from the darkness.

It was Dumbledore.

_Fuck. _

**I do pray you guys could pick Tara's sentence from what I wrote. **

**By the way... when my recently acquired noble steed saw what kind of battle I was driving him into, he bucked me off, and ran into the sunset without me. I had to complete this stage of Operation Save Fanfiction all on my own.**

**_Forever alone. _  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**My Immortal + the To Write Love on Her Arms playlist = funny stuff, man. **

**Just go to the original My Immortal and read it while listening to the website's playlist. You will laugh, guaranteed.**

**Hence forth, my new noble steed! (Let's hope this one is braver than the last, shall we?)**

Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape burst into Dumbledore's office; other than my useless and alcohol induced babble, it was the first sounds in the office since we had gotten there.

"What's this I hear about you two?" Professor Snape asked, sounding as though the only reason he was mad was because he had been woken up in the middle of the night.

"You know what?" I asked, giggling, "I think you're a damn good teacher! Keep up the good work!" I didn't go halfway - I even clapped at the end of my statement.

Draco shook his head, "I'm sorry, Professor. I swear - it will _never _happen again."

Professor McGonagall injected, "do you think you can get away with your _completely _inappropriate behavior just by apologizing?"

I laughed, pointing at Professor McGonagall and swaying in my seat, "you're just jealous because sex wasn't invented when you went to school!"

Good God... that didn't even make sense to me, and I was the drunk one. I wondered what had made me say it, if I could notice how fucked it sounded even as it came out of my mouth.

"Thank you, Miss Way - you've just bought yourself an _extra _night of detention - hasn't she, Severus?"

Professor Snape seemed to contemplate this for a moment, and then, "I believe three nights of detention would be suitable. And, given Miss Way's state, I do believe an extra night would be warranted."

In my outrage, I stood up, and gave a great flourishing movement with my hands. "This is against my rights as a human. I demand an appeal!"

"We'll continue this discussion when you're competent enough to string together a coherent sentence, Miss Way." Professor Snape said, "for the time being - Draco, make sure she doesn't do anything we'd all regret."

Draco stood, took hold of my arm, and said, "yes, sir."

"Draco, don't let them get away with this! You're supposed to be on my side!"

Instead of agreeing with me, Draco lead me out of the office as quickly as possible.

"C'mon! Why you with me on this? You were inside of me, for fuck's sake!"

Again, Draco did not answer, and quickened his pace, trying to get me through the hallway as fast as possible.

Goddammit.

**This was fun. My brain is still in one piece, even. My noble steed, on the other hand... he stayed with me, yes, but he is now rocking in the corner.**

**Poor guy. **

**If any of you are interested in the goings-on of my life, I'm knitting a pig for my friend! This is hopefully what it will look like some day:**

.

**I feel a bit like Hermione, when she was knitting hats for the House Elves... although, I can't make the needles go magically... and I can't make three million thousand a night. *le sigh***

**Anyway... I'm tickled with the reaction to this story! I'm pleased to know some people find this readable!**

**Until next time... watch out for shady cows.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 already? I've been dreading this moment... things start getting worse and worse from here. **

**I've decided... to ask you guys, of a favor. Ya'll got skills – I'd like to read your guy's version of Ebony being murdered! I know what you're thinking - "I came here to read, not to write," - but I can't resist this. I must... know... how you see it...**

**On with the story!**

**Oh, and I finally got Microsoft word for my laptop! No more having to use the doc manager for writing! I'm so happy, I could run into the sunset.**

"Turn the fucking light off!" I screeched, as Willow threw open my coffin. For the sake of Christ – couldn't she put two and two together and figure out that, after last night, I would have wound up with a hangover.

"No can do, bitch," Willow answered, grabbing my shoulder and pulling me up until I was sitting. "You're going to be late, and this is what you get for leaving me here while you go off and have fun."

I looked at her as though she had walked in wearing a Cheerleader uniform. "You honestly expect me to let you come with me on my dates?"

"Yes, now get your ass up,"

What girl could ask for better friends?

I rubbed my eyes as Willow dragged me to the Great Hall, wishing that I could go back in time and keep myself away from the bar. Just as we were about to sit down, someone bumped into my back... _hard. _

"Fucking bastard!" I shouted, whipping around. I resisted the urge to get my wand out of my bag, and curse the dick until he was nothing more than a puddle of acid.

Good. Fucking. God.

The boy was _hot. _

"I'm so sorry," he said, sounding nervous. Fuck... if a nervous guy wasn't the sexiest thing in the world...

Calming myself down, I smiled. "You know, it's okay. Um... what's your name?"

"It's Harry Potter, but most people call me Vampire these days."

Hex me, someone. Please, before I scream.

"That's cool," I answered, "my name is Ebony; it just so happens, I'm a vampire."

"Really?" He asked, sounding impressed.

"Yeah, um..." There was only one seat left open where we were standing, as Willow had already sat down. I shot her a glare, and she sighed, standing up.

"You know, I'm going to go find an entire fucking hoard of boys, and then make you do shit you don't want to do when they're around."

She stalked off before I could answer, leaving Vampire and I to sit down, and begin talking.

It wasn't until the bell rang that I remembered Draco.

Why do I do this shit to myself?

**If it weren't for muffins, I would never have made it to the end of this chapter. Chocolate chip muffins and banana nut... yum! What's your favorite kind of muffin? **

**Short chapter! (Haha... what am I saying... they're all short!)**

**Oh, and as several people have offered me a statue if I can finish this, I definitely am! Am I the only one who has fantasies of having a statue of themselves with multiple smurfs? **

**Until next time, stay in school, and say no to drugs!**


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